Ounce (Player)
Ounce's Personal Life
Ounce is a pseudonymous internet personality known for his prolific writing and creativity within the online gaming community. While not much is known about his personal life, Ounce has gained notoriety through his participation in the SQUAD guild in the popular massively multiplayer online game Turtle WoW.
In addition to his writing, Ounce has also been an active member of the SQUAD guild. He has formed close friendships with many of its members, including the Angry Video Game Nerd, Rick and Morty, and BennyLava. Ounce's kindness, humor, and generosity have endeared him to many in the community.
While Ounce's true identity remains unknown, one thing is known for certain: Tales from Ounce are as timeless as the Odyssey or The Iliad. Here are just a few examples:
Squatting 300lbs Below Parallel Incident
It was a hot summer day in Azeroth, and Ounce was feeling particularly determined to improve his physical strength. He had been training hard for weeks, and now it was time to test his limits.
As he approached the squat rack, he saw Angry Video Game Nerd and Morty chatting nearby. They both noticed the serious look on his face and decided to watch his attempt.
Ounce loaded up the bar with 300lbs, a weight he had never tried before. He took a deep breath and positioned himself under the bar. He adjusted his stance, braced his core, and began the descent.
As he lowered himself down, he could feel the pressure building in his legs. He had to go lower than he ever had before if he was going to complete the rep. The weight felt heavier and heavier, but he refused to give up.
He reached the bottom of the squat, his hamstrings burning and his knees creaking. But he knew he could do it. He pushed with all his might and started to rise.
At that moment, Angry Video Game Nerd and Morty cheered him on, shouting words of encouragement. Ounce felt a sudden burst of energy and pushed even harder. He rose to a standing position, completing the lift with perfect form and to full depth.
Everyone in the gym stopped to watch Ounce's incredible feat of strength. He had just squatted 300lbs below parallel, a feat that few could match. He racked the bar and turned to Morty and Angry Video Game Nerd with a huge grin on his face.
From that day forward, Ounce was known as the guy who could squat 300lbs below parallel. He continued to push himself in his training, always striving to be better. And his friends, Morty and Angry Video Game Nerd, were always there to support him along the way.
The Music Bot Incident
Act 1: Skipping the Music
The guild is in the middle of a raid when Warriorboi, the resident rogue, grows tired of the music selection provided by Agrias, the druid. He keeps skipping Agrias' songs, causing her to grow more and more frustrated with each skip. Despite repeated attempts to get Warriorboi to listen to her music, he just can't seem to get into it.
Agrias: "Come on Warriorboi, give my songs a chance. You might actually like them."
Warriorboi: "Sorry Agrias, I just can't stand this stuff. It's driving me crazy."
Agrias: "Well, that's too bad. I put a lot of effort into choosing these songs. They're the perfect mix of mellow and upbeat to get us pumped up for the raid."
Warriorboi: "I appreciate the effort, but I just can't listen to this. Can we switch to something else?"
Agrias is getting more and more upset by the minute and begins to snap at Warriorboi.
Agrias: "Ugh, fine. Just skip it then. I give up."
Act 2: Confrontation
After the raid, Agrias approaches Warriorboi to confront him about his music-skipping ways.
Agrias: "Hey Warriorboi, we need to talk about the music situation during the raid."
Warriorboi: "What about it?"
Agrias: "You were skipping all my songs. I put a lot of effort into choosing them and you just disregarded it all."
Warriorboi: "I'm sorry Agrias, but I just couldn't listen to it. It wasn't my thing."
Agrias: "Well, it doesn't matter what you think. The music bot is for everyone in the guild and you can't just go around skipping songs you don't like."
Warriorboi: "I understand that, but it's just not for me. Can't we compromise and find a happy medium?"
Agrias: "I don't think so. The music bot is important to me and you just don't seem to understand that."
Act 3: The Standoff
As the argument between Warriorboi and Agrias continues, Ounce walks in, squats 300 pounds under parallel, and tries to diffuse the situation.
Ounce: "What's going on here? Why is everyone so upset?"
Agrias: "Warriorboi keeps skipping my songs on the music bot during raids and it's really bothering me."
Warriorboi: "I just don't like the music she's been playing. It's not for me."
Ounce: "Well, I think we can find a solution here. How about we make a playlist that everyone can agree on?"
Agrias and Warriorboi reluctantly agree to work together and come up with a playlist that everyone can enjoy. In the end, they find common ground and are able to move past their differences, listening to a mix of their favorite tunes during the next raid.
The End.
Pimpin' at Papa John's
Act 1: The Setup
Tysonn and Nigma were hanging out in the local Papa John's, looking for a way to spice up their night. They had both just finished a long raid and were looking for something fun to do. "Yo bro, what do you say we try and pick up some chicks while we're here?" Tysonn suggested to Nigma, who was munching on a slice of pizza. Nigma wiped his mouth with a napkin and looked at Tysonn with a smirk. "Sounds like a solid plan, my man. Let's do it."
Act 2: The Approach
Tysonn and Nigma sauntered over to a group of girls who were giggling and chatting at a nearby table. They tried their best to act cool and confident, but both were feeling a little nervous. "Hey ladies, what's up?" Tysonn said with a smile, trying to sound as smooth as possible. The girls looked up at them and smiled politely, but it was clear they were not interested. "Umm, we're just hanging out," one of the girls replied, going back to her conversation with her friends. Tysonn and Nigma tried to think of something clever to say, but their nerves got the best of them and they stumbled over their words. The girls just smiled and went back to their conversation, completely ignoring them.
Act 3: The Realization
After a few more failed attempts to get the girls' attention, Tysonn and Nigma realized that they were just there to hang out with each other. Picking up chicks was just an excuse for them to spend some quality bro time together. "Dude, this is pathetic," Nigma said, shaking his head. "We don't even need these girls. We have each other, man." Tysonn nodded in agreement. "Yeah, you're right. Let's just enjoy the pizza and the atmosphere. We don't need anyone else."
Act 4: The Aftermath
Tysonn and Nigma continued to chat and joke with each other, completely content in each other's company. They even ended up striking up a conversation with the Papa John's employee about their shared love of warcraft. As they left the restaurant, they both felt a sense of satisfaction and camaraderie. They realized that they didn't need anyone else to have a good time, as long as they had each other. "Yo bro, let's hit the gym tomorrow and work on our biceps. I heard Ounce squatting 300 pounds of weight under parallel," Nigma said with a laugh. "Sounds good to me, bro," Tysonn replied with a smile. "But first, let's go home and raid some more."
Dagos and Dakara Discuss Shellcoin
Dagos, the guild master of SQUAD and a brave Paladin, and Dakara, an officer who plays a decent Shaman in SQUAD, were both sitting at their usual hangout spot, Vaelstrasz' Burgers, discussing their latest plan to jack up the price of shellcoin. As they discussed the intricacies of the plan, Ounce walked in and sat down at their table.
Dagos looked at Ounce and mentioned, "Hey, remember that time when you squatted 300 pounds below parallel?"
Ounce's face lit up as he replied, "Oh yeah, that was one of my proudest moments in the gym. I worked hard to achieve that and it paid off in the end."
Dakara added, "You inspired all of us with your dedication and discipline, Ounce. It's truly amazing to see what a person can achieve with hard work and determination."
Dagos and Dakara then got back to discussing their plan to jack up the price of shellcoin, but the memory of Ounce's impressive feat stayed with them for the rest of the day.
Crista Becomes TagMaster69
Crista was tired of being tagged in Discord for silly reasons. Every time she logged on, there was another notification from an officer of SQUAD asking for help with something trivial or tagging her in a joke. It was starting to get on her nerves.
As she sat in front of her computer, scrolling through her tags, she had an epiphany. "I'll show them what it's like to be constantly tagged and bothered," she thought to herself.
And so, Crista put her plan into action. She created a new Discord account under the name "TagMaster69" and made it look like the account was run by an overeager officer. She then proceeded to tag every single member of SQUAD in every single channel, every hour of the day.
At first, the officers and members of SQUAD thought it was just a new officer being overly enthusiastic. But as the tags continued, they started to get frustrated. People were missing important notifications because they were buried in TagMaster69's constant pings.
Finally, the officers had enough. They called an emergency meeting to figure out what to do about TagMaster69's constant pinging. Crista, watching from the sidelines, couldn't help but smile as she saw the officers discussing how to deal with the situation.
"Maybe now they'll understand what it's like to be constantly tagged in Discord," Crista thought to herself.
The officers eventually figured out who was behind TagMaster69 and confronted Crista. To her surprise, they were impressed with her clever prank and thanked her for helping them understand the annoyance of constant tagging. From that day forward, the officers made a conscious effort to only tag people in Discord for important reasons.
Crista was happy that her plan worked and was glad that the officers now understood the annoyance of constant Discord tags. As they wrapped up the meeting, one of the officers turned to Crista and said, "You know, this reminds me of the time when Ounce squatted 300 pounds below parallel. That was quite a feat, wasn't it?"
Crista laughed, happy that even after all the trouble she caused, she was still a valued member of the group.
Spiceebeef's Bad Habit
Spiceebeef was always a great tank, but sometimes he would let his mind wander during raids. Often times, this was induced by a substance of which no one can be certain, but it was certainly a dank one. It was hard to concentrate on raiding when he could be sparkin' the dank and makin' bank instead.
One day during a particularly tough raid, Dagos had had enough of Spiceebeef's inattentiveness. He let out a loud yell that echoed through the Discord channel, "Spiceebeef, pay attention to the raid! We're not here to watch you dab on diamonds!"
Spiceebeef was taken aback by Dagos' outburst. He felt sad and ashamed that he was letting the team down. But he knew that Dagos was right. He needed to be more attentive during raids and not get zooted to the moon before first pull.
So, Spiceebeef took Dagos' criticism to heart. He started to make a conscious effort to stay focused during raids, and to only hit the spliff during non-progression nights. The results were immediate. SQUAD started to progress further and faster than ever before.
Dagos noticed the change in Spiceebeef's behavior and praised him for his improved focus during raids. Spiceebeef was happy that he was able to contribute more to the team and that his hard work was paying off. And as a bonus, Dagos gave Spicee a half ounce of Ners, and Spicee proceeded to dab on those diamonds on non-progression nights, while Ounce squatted 300lbs below parallel in the background.
The Deep Prot VS Fury Prot Debate
Ounce and Crista sat across from each other in the SQUAD guild hall, surrounded by a cluster of players eagerly listening to their debate. The topic was a hot one - whether fury prot was superior to deep prot. Ounce was an experienced warrior and had a strong disdain for fury prot, while Crista was a more analytical type who preferred a more logical approach to the specs.
"I'm telling you, deep prot is the way to go," Ounce declared, his voice loud and confident. "Fury is just too unpredictable and lacks the sustained damage that deep prot provides." Crista nodded thoughtfully, playing with a strand of her long blonde hair. "I see where you're coming from, but I think that fury prot has its own unique strengths. For example, it's more mobile, which can be a big advantage in certain fights."
The two continued to argue back and forth, both making compelling points and shooting down the other's arguments. The guild hall was buzzing with excitement, with players on both sides of the debate cheering and jeering. Just as the argument was reaching its climax, Bestgamer, a massive tauren warrior, walked into the hall. He had a mischievous glint in his eye as he overheard the topic of discussion.
"I don't know about you guys," he said, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. "But I think the best way to settle this debate is with a good old-fashioned squatting competition."
With that, Bestgamer led Ounce and Crista to the SQUAD gym, where the three of them set up a barbell and started to warm up. The other players followed, eager to see who would come out on top. Ounce and Bestgamer were neck and neck, each pumping out rep after rep of squats with ease. Crista, who was a bit more inexperienced with weightlifting, struggled at first, but soon found her groove and was able to keep up with the two warriors.
In the end, it was Bestgamer who emerged victorious, having squatted a massive 300 pounds below parallel. Ounce and Crista, both drenched in sweat, high-fived each other and laughed.
"I guess we'll have to agree to disagree on the fury prot vs deep prot debate," Crista said, panting. "Agreed," Ounce said, giving her a friendly pat on the back. "But I have to say, that was one hell of a workout." The players all cheered and clapped, happy to have settled their differences with a friendly competition. And as they headed back to their Discord channel, there was a sense of camaraderie in the air - after all, there was nothing like a good workout to bring people together.
The Benefits of Weight Lifting
Ounce, a skilled tank in the guild SQUAD, was feeling down in the dumps. Despite his impressive ability to handle tough boss fights, the rest of the guild seemed to be bullying him relentlessly for not having 400 DEF on the Twin Emperors fight. Ounce knew that this was a common standard for tanks in the game, but he also knew that the DPS in the guild didn't seem to have half a brain and couldn't even walk out of an AOE on the ground during the Ouro encounter.
He joined a local gym and started a rigorous workout regimen, focusing specifically on building up his strength and endurance. He followed a strict diet and put in the time and effort needed to see real results. He would often spend hours in the gym, pushing himself to the limit and beyond.
One of the exercises that he was particularly focused on was squatting. Ounce had heard that this exercise was key in building up his legs, which in turn would help him with his defense in the game. He started out squatting just the bar, but gradually worked his way up to more weight. He was determined to reach his goal of squatting 300 pounds below parallel.
As the weeks went by, Ounce noticed a huge improvement in his in-game performance. He was able to dodge AOEs with ease, and his defense was starting to look much better. His fellow players noticed this as well, and the bullying stopped. In fact, many of them started to admire him for his hard work and dedication.
Eventually, Ounce reached his goal of squatting 300 pounds below parallel, and his defense stat in the game had reached an impressive 400. The entire guild was amazed, and Ounce had finally earned the respect that he deserved. He had proved that with hard work and determination, anything is possible.
BestGamer Has One Too Many Yaegerbombs at the Ooh La La Bar
Bestgamer was known as one of the most dedicated members of the SQUAD guild in World of Warcraft. He spent countless hours playing, raiding, and PvPing with his guildmates, always striving to be the best. However, after a long and stressful week at work, Bestgamer decided to let loose and indulge in a night of heavy drinking.
At first, it seemed like harmless fun as Bestgamer laughed and joked with his friends at the bar. But as the night wore on and the drinks kept flowing, he became more and more reckless. He started making loud, obnoxious comments in the bar and getting into arguments with other patrons. Eventually, the bar kicked Bestgamer out for causing a disturbance.
Unfazed, he stumbled down the street and ended up logging onto the WOW server. In his drunken state, Bestgamer began to cause chaos in the game, spamming chat channels, starting fights with other players, and disrupting raid groups.
The next morning, Bestgamer woke up with a massive headache and a message from the game moderators informing him that he had been banned from the WOW server for his behavior the previous night.
He was devastated. Not only had he embarrassed himself in front of his friends, but he had also lost access to the game he loved. Feeling ashamed and regretful, Bestgamer reached out to the guild master, Davros, to apologize and explain what had happened. Davros was understanding, but he told Bestgamer that he would have to serve his ban and work to regain the trust of the other players.
Over the next few months, Bestgamer dedicated himself to improving himself. He went to therapy to work through his alcoholism and made a concerted effort to be a better person. Eventually, he was reinstated on the WOW server and was able to rejoin his beloved SQUAD guild. From that day forward, Bestgamer made sure to never let alcohol control his actions again. He became an even stronger and more dedicated player, working hard to earn back the respect of his guildmates and to never let his past mistakes define him.
Cru Confronts Ounce
Cru was having a terrible day. He had been dealing with some stressful real-life issues, and the last thing he needed was to come home to find Ounce posting mean stories in the SQUAD Discord server. Cru was a proud member of the SQUAD guild, and he loved the tight-knit community that had formed there. But Ounce's cruel sense of humor had been causing problems for a while now. Cru was especially upset because Ounce's stories were targeting one of his closest friends, Agrias. Agrias was a kind-hearted druid who loved to share his crappy music with everyone in the guild. But Ounce seemed to take pleasure in constantly skipping Agrias' tracks on the music bot during raids.
Cru had had enough. He marched over to Ounce's desk, his heart pounding with anger. "What is your problem, man?" he demanded. "Why are you posting these mean stories about Agrias? He doesn't deserve this!"
Ounce looked taken aback. He hadn't expected Cru to react so strongly. "I'm just having a little fun," he said, trying to sound nonchalant. "It's not like I'm actually hurting anyone."
"That's where you're wrong," Cru said, his voice rising. "Agrias is one of the kindest, most caring people I know, and he doesn't deserve to be the target of your mean-spirited jokes. You need to stop, Ounce. You need to stop right now."
Ounce looked down at the floor, ashamed. He knew Cru was right. He had gotten caught up in trying to be the class clown, and he hadn't realized the harm his actions were causing.
"I'm sorry, Cru," he said softly. "I'll stop. I promise."
Cru nodded, satisfied. He knew that Ounce had a good heart, and he hoped that this would be the end of the mean stories. But as he walked away, he couldn't help but worry. Ounce had a habit of pushing boundaries, and Cru wasn't sure that this would be the end of it. But for now, Cru was just glad that he had stood up for what was right. He felt proud to be a part of the SQUAD community, and he hoped that they could continue to support each other and have each other's backs, no matter what.
Mrs. Ounce Wants Tacos
It was a typical night for SQUAD as they were progressing through Zul'Gurub. The excitement was palpable as they were making great progress, and Ounce, the veteran tank, was leading the charge.
However, things took a turn for the worse as Ounce started yelling on the microphone. People weren't following the mechanics correctly, and Ounce's patience was wearing thin. He was frustrated and angry, and his voice was becoming louder and more abrasive with each passing moment.
The rest of the guild members were taken aback by Ounce's behavior. They had never seen him like this before, and they didn't know how to react. Some of them tried to calm him down, while others just silently watched in shock.
Just as things were starting to escalate, Ounce's wife burst into the room. She was angry and demanded that Ounce leave the raid immediately. She wanted to go get tacos, and she wouldn't take no for an answer.
Ounce was torn. He knew that he had a responsibility to his guild and that his behavior was unacceptable, but he also knew that his wife wouldn't budge. With a heavy heart, he logged out of the game and went with his wife to get tacos.
The guild was left in a state of shock. They had never dealt with a situation like this before, and they didn't know what to do. They were supposed to be raiding Zul'Gurub that night, but now they were left without their veteran tank.
The guild eventually recovered and found a new tank to lead them, but the memory of that night stayed with them for a long time. They all learned that things can change in an instant and that it's important to always be prepared for the unexpected. And for Ounce, he learned the hard way that sometimes, you just have to let things go and enjoy a good taco.
Watame's New Hobby
Watame, the SQUAD guild member known for her catchphrase "Girigiri Warukunai Watame", was having a boring day in Azeroth. She was sitting in Orgrimmar, watching the horde players come and go from the zeppelin. As she watched them, an idea popped into her head. "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I mind controlled them off the zeppelin for a goof?" she thought to herself. So she tried it, and to her surprise, it worked!
The horde players were all sent plummeting to their doom, and Watame had a good laugh. But as she continued to watch the chaos she had caused, Watame began to have an internal dialogue. She thought about the consequences of her actions and how they might affect other players. She realized that while it might have been funny in the moment, it was ultimately harmful and not worth doing.
So, Watame decided to pick up a new hobby. She asked her fellow SQUAD members for suggestions and eventually settled on trying out cooking. She spent hours in the kitchen, experimenting with new recipes and trying to perfect her culinary skills. And with each dish she made, she felt a sense of pride and accomplishment that she never experienced with her previous shenanigans.
From that day forward, Watame left her mischief behind and focused on her passion for cooking. And as she sat down to enjoy her latest creation, she thought to herself, "Girigiri Warukunai Watame, when she's cooking up a storm."
SQUAD on Minecraft
Ounce had been playing Minecraft for years, and had always dreamed of setting up a server for a group of players to enjoy. When he joined SQUAD and got to know the members, he decided it was the perfect opportunity to make his dream a reality.
He spent hours configuring the server to make it a perfect fit for SQUAD, complete with custom plugins, challenging mods, and even some easter eggs. Ounce was excited to see how the members would enjoy the server he had set up.
Crista was one of the first to log in and try out the server. "Wow, Ounce, you really outdid yourself here," she said, admiring the custom skins and textures. "This is amazing! I can't wait to start building."
Bestgamer was next to log in, and he was impressed with the attention to detail that Ounce had put into the server. "This is a top-notch server, Ounce," he said. "I've played on a lot of Minecraft servers, and this is one of the best. Thanks for putting it together."
Davros was more interested in exploring the server's custom mods and plugins. "This is so cool," he said. "I've never played Minecraft with mods like this before. I'm going to spend hours exploring everything this server has to offer."
Spiceebeef was also excited to try out the custom mods, and was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the server. "I've been looking for a good Minecraft server for a while, and I think I've finally found it," he said. "Thanks for setting this up, Ounce."
Fresh was the last to log in, but he was no less impressed with the server. "This is amazing," he said, admiring the intricate details of Ounce's builds. "I can tell you put a lot of work into this. I can't wait to see what kind of crazy creations we can come up with together."
Nigma, being the warlock that he is, was more interested in the darker aspects of the server. "I like the way you think, Ounce," he said, grinning wickedly. "This server has everything I need to conduct some...experiments."
Ounce smiled, glad to see that his hard work had paid off. He watched as the members of SQUAD explored his server and created amazing builds, each leaving their unique mark on the world. It was all he had hoped for, and more.
Cru Hates Minecraft
After setting up the Minecraft server for the members of SQUAD, Ounce and the other members started to play the game regularly. However, Cru was not interested in playing the game at all.
"Cru, come on man, you gotta try it at least once. It's a lot of fun playing with everyone," Ounce said.
"I don't see what's so great about it. It looks like a game for kids," Cru responded.
"It's not just for kids, anyone can play it. Besides, it's a great way for us all to bond and work together," Davros chimed in.
Cru remained unconvinced. "I don't think it's for me. You guys have fun, though," he said.
The other members of SQUAD didn't want to give up on Cru, so they decided to try a new approach. They started sharing stories about their adventures in the game and how they had overcome various challenges together.
"Remember that time we built that huge castle with the lava moat?" Fresh asked.
"And when we went on that quest to find the end portal?" Nigma added.
Crista talked about how Minecraft helped her improve her problem-solving skills, while Spiceebeef mentioned how it helped him relieve stress after a long day.
Despite their best efforts, Cru still wasn't convinced. "I don't think I could ever enjoy playing Minecraft. It's just not my thing," he said.
The guild members respected Cru's decision and didn't push him any further. They continued to play the game and have fun, but always made sure to include Cru in their conversations and activities, whether they were related to Minecraft or not.
In the end, Cru may not have ever joined them in Minecraft, but he remained an important part of SQUAD and their gaming community.
Nigma Convinces Cru To Play Minecraft
After hearing about Cru's autism diagnosis, Nigma suggested that playing Minecraft could be beneficial for him. Nigma explained that Minecraft's design elements and mechanics can help people on the autism spectrum by providing sensory input and visual stimuli. Cru was hesitant at first, but Nigma convinced him to give it a try.
To everyone's surprise, Cru not only enjoyed playing Minecraft but also excelled at it. He quickly became a valuable member of the SQUAD Minecraft guild, and everyone was happy to have him onboard.
Cru loved the freedom that Minecraft gave him, and he spent hours exploring the different biomes, building intricate structures, and learning about the game's various systems. The other members of SQUAD were amazed by his creativity and dedication.
As the guild grew, they faced new challenges and embarked on exciting adventures. They battled hordes of monsters, went on epic quests, and built amazing structures together. Through it all, Cru was an essential part of the team, and he quickly became one of their closest friends.
And as a nod to Ounce's impressive strength and determination, the guild built a statue of him in Minecraft, depicting him squatting 300lbs below parallel. It was a testament to Ounce's hard work and perseverance, and the guild was proud to honor him in such a unique way.
Overall, the SQUAD Minecraft server became a beloved pastime for all of its members, and it brought them closer together as a team. And for Cru, it was a source of joy and fulfillment, and he was grateful to have found such a welcoming and supportive community.